Caregiver. You read the word and think of someone who might take care of an elderly parent. Or someone who you pay to come in to the home and care for someone. Or a parent who’s looking after their child.
But we’re all caregivers. A simple call, a note to say hello, showing up somewhere when you don’t want to, being there for someone. These are all ways that we provide care for people.
I never considered myself a caregiver. I get paid to help people, but what I did outside of work was just life. When Gary was diagnosed I read a lot about being a caregiver and making sure I took care of myself and that my needs were met as well as his. I still didn’t consider myself a caregiver, though, because Gary could take care of himself.
Gary still takes care of himself. But now I see it. I’m a caregiver. Thing is; he is too.
MS has affected our life, our relationships, our decisions in ways I couldn’t imagine. Some good. Some bad. For example, little things don’t matter so much anymore. Who cares about who did what or where we’re supposed to be or who’s gonna get upset over that…I don’t. Life matters. Living it matters. If you pay attention to all the details you’ll get lost. On the other hand, sometimes I curse MS because it means I don’t know what’s going to happen in our lives in 5 or 10 or 25 years. I’m a planner and being unable to do that takes me out of my comfort zone. Living out of my comfort zone has been difficult – from daily excursions that might get delayed to life-long planning…my anxiety has been significantly increased over the past year. I’m working on it now to try to reduce it naturally by doing things I like doing, taking time to be quiet and focusing on me once in a while. Gary has been really helpful – he’s taking care of me.
The MS Society says that giving care to someone with MS can be deeply satisfying – bringing people closer, helping people have a purpose, etc. It can also be exhausting and frustrating. I think both Gary and I see the good and the bad of giving care. What we need to realize now, is, it’s not always MS. While we need to embrace MS and make it part of our lives…we also need to understand when it isn’t the reason I’m being so moody, or the reason Gary is so tired. Therein lies the difficulty.
But we’re working on it.
Gary's Gang 